Super Bowl XLIX Media-Day Highlights

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– Russell Wilson volunteers at Phoenix-area hospital to shake bad-boy image
– Bill Belichick uncomfortably thrilled to take question from terminally ill child
– Tom Brady spends entirety of interview berating event’s caterers
– Julian Edelman humiliated after diary is read aloud by Rob Gronkowski
– ESPN analysts Tedy Bruschi, Ray Lewis, and Steve Levy contemplate discussing just what the point of media day is, and how all this pomp and pageantry is really an extension of Americans’ obsession over frivolous things that don’t really matter in the grand scheme of things before deciding to talk about football inflation
– Stephen Gostkowski points out that a real neutral site would be someplace geographically right between Boston and Seattle, like Fargo
– Seahawks punter Jon Ryan arrives with plastic-wrapped mound of ice on throwing shoulder
– Live-hawk handler waiting in middle of media floor for bird released from top of Seattle’s CenturyLink Stadium
– Pete Carroll admits he’d give all this up to follow just one more Eagles tour across the country in his ’72 GTO, man
– Rookie reporter ridiculed by colleagues for throwing several questions right at Richard Sherman
– Luke Willson fields question on when he and Reese Witherspoon will team up for Legally Blonde 3
– Marshawn Lynch jumps off stage, grabs crotch after completing requisite five minutes of interview time

Old-Fashioned, Physical NFL Game Full Of New-Age, Modern Brain Trauma

Source: america.aljazeera.com

Source: america.aljazeera.com

PITTSBURGH—NFL analysts across the nation delighted in Sunday’s game between the Pittsburgh Steelers and Cincinnati Bengals, praising both teams for playing an old-fashioned brand of rugged, physical football that was riddled with brain injuries.

“This was just a good old slugfest,” ESPN analyst Mike Ditka said during a post-game show. “That was a great example of how football should be played: hard, physical, and fast,” Ditka continued, remarking on the run-heavy game that left multiple players with life-altering concussions.

Other analysts and former players lauded the game’s departure from what they believe has become a pass-focused version of the game that penalizes players for playing too aggressively.

“It feels good to finally get back to football after all that’s happened this year with Ray [Rice] and Adrian [Peterson],” FOX analyst Terry Bradshaw said of the game, which had its play stopped on three separate occasions to tend to players dazed from slamming into each other without slowing down.

The adulation for the game, whose high-speed collisions resulted in cranial damage that would likely not be discovered for years by the untold players who suffered it, continued from NBC’s Sunday Night Football color commentator, Cris Collinsworth.

“In a game like this one, so late in the season, flags shouldn’t decide it; thankfully, they didn’t,” Collinsworth said, approving of the lack of penalties levied for the scores of head-to-head spear tackles committed during the game.

“Deciding the fate of the playoffs is of the utmost importance,” Collinsworth added before marveling at a replay of Bengals quarterback Andy Dalton being thrown onto his neck by a Steelers defender and lying prone for several seconds.

“Now that’s football,” Collinsworth said.

Derek Jeter announces 2014 season will be unbearable

NEW YORK—Longtime New York Yankees shortstop and captain Derek Jeter took to Facebook Wednesday to announce his plans to make the 2014 Major League Baseball season the most self-righteous, insufferable one in recent memory.

“After thinking long and hard, I felt that forcing Major League Baseball to cover me—and exclusively me—despite my tremendous decrease in skills and athleticism, was the right decision for both me and the New York Yankees,” Jeter said in a note posted to the popular social-media site.

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