Prince Fielder Reports To Spring Training In Biggest Shape Of His Life

Image source: zimbio.com

Image source: zimbio.com

SUNRISE, Ariz.—After arriving to spring training and settling into the team’s clubhouse, Texas Rangers first baseman Prince Fielder told reporters that he was in the biggest shape of his entire life.

“I feel good about this season,” the 275-pound Fielder said. “This is the first spring training I’ve shown up to where I don’t feel like I can get any bigger, so that can only mean good things for me,” he added.

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NASCAR Introduces Closed-Captioned Car Sounds

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DAYTONA BEACH, Fla.—NASCAR officials announced today that the stock-car racing association would integrate closed captions of the car sounds made at all its future races. Citing a fan survey, NASCAR chief communications officer Brett Jewkes told reporters about the initiative.

“We’re excited to bring this part of our exciting sport to our television broadcasts,” Jewkes said. “Our comprehensive fan survey indicated an overwhelming positive response to the loud vrooms, rumbles, and screeches heard in person at races and over our broadcasts’ audio, so giving that experience to fans unable to hear it, such as those with hearing difficulties, was a logical next step,” he added.

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Kevin Garnett Already Teaching New Young Teammates How To Properly Disrespect Opponents

Image source: celticsgreen.blogspot.com

Image source: celticsgreen.blogspot.com

MINNEAPOLIS—Speaking to reporters at the team’s practice facility, Minnesota Timberwolves players said that new power forward Kevin Garnett is already teaching them how to properly disrespect their NBA opponents.

“His impact was felt immediately,” star rookie Andrew Wiggins said of the influence Garnett has had on the young team members’ ability to trash-talk and insult other players. “He’s been mother-fucking players at the highest level for two decades, so he knows what he’s talking about,” Wiggins added.

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